Warning – Someone told us that there were some Star Wars BB8 iPhone ringtones available to download (plus the Android ones here). That’s all there is to it really, but we couldn’t really write a news post that was just one paragraph, so I was asked to “pad things out a little” and, well, this is the result. I’d like to apologise in advance, really I would. There’s more Star Wars ringtones here too.
Over the Christmas break I went to see the new Star Wars film. I watched “The Force Awakens” twice in fact. To “prepare” for this I’d regaled my son with the full history of the Star Wars franchise and tried (then failed) to tell my nephew why they’re “filmed in the wrong order”.
I ended up telling him to just ignore The Phantom Menace, The Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith.
Just concentrate on the PROPER Star Wars movies from the 70’s and 80’s lad. They were the best. They weren’t all filmed in a computer for starters, and there was none of this ruddy Jar Jar Binks nonsense…
I then went into some fairly inappropriate information about just how much I’d enjoyed the Princess Leia scene with Jabba the Hutt. Yes, yes, I know she’s 59 years old now but…. (REDACTED)
Yeah.. we NEED to watch Return of the Jedi again, just to .. ahem .. just you ensure you know what’s happening.
..I’m still trying to convince the wife to get an outfit, but sadly it’s not happening.
Anyhow, we ended up at the cinema and, I’ll confess, it’s not a place I go to often. After re-mortgaging the house to get in and buy popcorn, we sat down and I waited for the lights to dim.
However, they didn’t. Some plonker from Vue Cinemas thought it’d be a great idea to leave the 40-watt bulbs on throughout the entire movie. Even worse, the same plonker positioned some of those bulbs in the ceiling just 20cm from the screen. This meant that you had two light spots at the top of the film ALL THE TIME.
The movie turned out OK. I think. It was basically “A New Hope” with the character and place-names shuffled around from what I can make out, however I was so annoyed by those light-bulbs that I really couldn’t concentrate.
Weirdly enough though (for reasons I really won’t go into), we ended up going back to Vue again the very next day. After bending over once more and having the cashier remove my dignity and monthly earnings, we headed in. It was a different screen at Star City in Birmingham this time, so my hopes were up. Armed with hugely expensive popcorn, gold-plated sweets and drinks you can bathe in, we sat down.
Again, those house-lights stayed on. I couldn’t understand it. Again, there was two of them RIGHT ABOVE THE SCREEN and, once more, they shone two diagonal beams of white light onto the movie. I don’t know about you, but the Millennium Falcon never had two beams of light shining on it from space. It SPACE. It’s SUPPOSED TO BE DARK. Likewise, that X-Wing or Tie Fighter didn’t have two light-spots on them DID THEY? No. They did not, and that was it. I’d lost my rag.
I tried to calm down a bit, I really did. Perhaps I was just full of sugar from the 28 litre cup of Coca Cola I’d consumed. At the end of the film I went to see the gentleman who’d kindly ripped my £80-worth of tickets to shreds and asked why the lights were always on.
Ah, health and safety mate sadly. We have to, so people can see in an emergency or if they need to pop out to the toilet or something.
That’s all well and good, but I’m sure the flippin’ things don’t need to shine ONTO THE SCREEN do they? Those magical “aeroplanes” manage it don’t they? They come into land with the lights dimmed, and there’s even lights in the walkway so you can find the doors. But what they DON’T do is shove a 40-watt bulb in your moosh. DO THEY?
No they do not my friend.
The reason for all this health and safety nonsense? I know what it’ll be. Some spanner has gone to see a movie, tripped over and then bagged themselves £1000 by claiming through one of those ambulance-chasing personal injury solicitors. End result? We’ve got lights on in the cinema and we’ve got bulbs shining all over the movie. I hope you’re happy with yourself son, I really am. You’re £1000 richer and we’re all poorer. Far poorer I’ll tell you.
Honestly, I should’ve just downloaded it off t’internet and watched it on my laptop. ON. THE. BEACH. IN. DIRECT. SUNLIGHT.
Where was I?
Oh yeah. If you liked the film and the BB8 droid, you can now download BB8 ringtones from MacSparky.com. They’re for the iPhone and you’ll need to rename the .m4r files to .m4a for Android, but I already did that here if you want the Android versions. There are more Star Wars ringtones here too.
THAT, my friends, is how you pad a story out about some ringtones. Suck on that AOL.